Yeah, I Can Still Be A Girly-Girl

I don't want to forget what romance is.
I want a guy to work for it, even after months of being together.
I want him to make love to me sometimes, not just fuck.
I want him to tell me he needs me once in a while.
I want to be surprised.
I want him to kiss me for no reason at all.
I want him to want to introduce me to his friends and family, and to meet mine.
I want him to be sweet and tender in bed once in a while and tell me he loves me, not just talk dirty every time.
I want him to take some time just for me once in a while- not all the time, just here and there, a day just for us.
I want to feel the passion, like it was when we first fell in love.
I want him to be the one to call or text first sometimes.
I want him to take our relationship as seriously as he says he does.
I want the small things just as much as he does.
I want him to hold my hand in the car and when we're out.
I want to go out once in a while- like on an actual date.
I want him to be as excited about me as I am about him.
I want a piece of the fairytale.

Portrait of a Slave & This Is Yours by Conceptually Black

I Want To Feel You Need Me

i want to feel you need me.
i want you to pull me so close our bodies are a single entity.
i want to feel the blood in your veins,
the heart in your chest,
the breath in your lungs.
i want to know you're deep inside me.
i want to feel your heat all over me.
i want your hands to wander like you can't control them-
like you need to touch every inch of me at once and can't.
i want you to pound inside me like a pulse.
i want to hear you whisper words
like poems
like 'i love you, i need you'.
i want to worship your body
and i want you to worship mine.
i want time and space to freeze in that moment.
i want to feel something ending as something new and more beautiful begins.
i want to touch the stars in your eyes.
i want to drown in your love.

Erotic Pulse- by Conceptually Black

I Was A Teenage Fuck-Doll. PART 3

i'm the girl you fuck in a hotel stairwell.
i'm the girl you finger under the table when you're out at dinner with your friends.
i'm the girl you schedule with at a group shoot just to have a sex-break during the day.
i'm the girl you hire to do dirty things on camera.
i'm the girl you test new toys on.
i'm the girl you put in the Dirty Show.
i'm the girl you tie up, fuck like mad, and leave her there till you want to fuck again.
i'm the girl you buy a space heater for, just so she'll stay naked in your room.
i'm the girl everyone's seen naked.
i'm the girl who loves girls.
i'm the girl who's willing to share.
i'm the girl you wake up to a blow-job with.
i'm the girl who will wear next to nothing in the winter.
i'm the girl you take to erotic gatherings.
i'm the girl who's not afraid to talk about sex with absolutely anyone.

WHY PORN IS NOT FOR ME

when i fuck, i want to feel something for the person i'm fucking.
if it's love, friendship, or intrigue, it's something.
porn... hell, your costar is a total stranger.
it's just a nameless dick.
what's the point?
it's not like i'm getting anything out of it except a shady reputation.
and i can't think of an amount of money they could pay me that would make it worth it.
i mean, you don't know where that dick has been.
or maybe you do, but it's nowhere good.
and you know that person doesn't feel anything for you...
you're just another paycheck.
how can anyone even cum that way?!
i don't get it...
i would much rather make videos with my boyfriend, hehehe!
personal porn is sooo much better...
and bonus points, you're not gonna catch anything nasty from it!
so fuck off, vivid video.
i'm not interested.

RANKING- women

1) the pixie
*really close friends, something more than friendship
*AMAZING with her tongue!
*nomnomnomnomnom
*super adventurous
*doms me like whoa!!!
*lotsa cuddles

2) the married model
*really close friends, something more than friendship
*KILLER with her tongue!!!
*nomnomnomnomnom
*very adventurous
*no BDSM
*married, so it was never gonna be anything more.
*lotsa cuddles

3) the lesbian
*good friend, lots of sexual tension
*good with her tongue
*nomnom
*adventurous
*a fellow sub, so it was difficult
*SHE BITES!!! owwww
*no cuddles
*my brother's roommate- moderately awkward

4) the psycho
*friend
*almost decent with her tongue
*never reciprocated
*semi-adventurous
*never experimented with BDSM
*kinda lame...
*no cuddles
*i'm now with her ex, so she threatened to kill me... so... yeah...

RANKING- men

this is strictly men, and full-on sex only.

1) my future husband
*LOVE
*endurance like whoa!!!
*absolute passion
*adventurous! never afraid to try something new
*BDSM positive
*the drive of 10 mortal men
*always cuddles after
*size- !!!!!!!!!

2) the rockstar
*great endurance
*NSA passion, freedom
*fairly adventurous
*great drive
*good cuddles, about 75% of the time
*never fucked sober
*size- !!!!!!

3) mr. fifteen
*love
*okay endurance
*sometimes very passionate, sometimes none at all
*not so adventurous
*little to no drive
*good cuddles, about 75% of the time
*size- !!!!!

4) the best friend
*deep friendship
*good endurance
*wildly passionate
*not adventurous. at all.
*awesome drive
*no cuddles!!!
*size- !!!!!

5) the god of goth
*deep friendship, deep connection
*good endurance
*insanely passionate!!!
*extremely adventurous!!!
*crazy rad drive
*lots of cuddles
*knew i could never really have him, so that held me back
*size- !!!!

6) lying cheating fucker
*thought i was in love
*decent endurance
*NO passion
*NO adventure
*fucking crazy drive
*BDSM positive, but a horrible master
*knew there was something up with the relationship, so i didn't trust him entirely
*size- way too fucking much.

7) the pornstar
*sexy stupid fun
*almost passable endurance
*NO passion
*super adventurous!
*okay drive
*inexperienced with BDSM, but willing to learn
*barely knew the dude
*size- !!

8) the "rapist"
*love
*NO endurance whatsoever, but could orgasm more than once
*very passionate
*almost adventurous
*insane drive
*no opinion on BDSM
*um... the one time we fucked was not of my free will.
*size- ... (yes, it really was that bad)

Too Much Or Never Enough

is there such a thing as too much?

i didn't think so.

when K and i got together, i told him that no man had ever been able to keep up with me.
in 3 days, he proved me wrong.
we didn't leave the bedroom once.
we fucked constantly, taking occasional breaks to nap and eat.
he finally wore me out.

more than 3 months later, that boy still manages to make me climb the wall every time.
his drive hasn't subsided in the slightest.
hell, if anything, it's increased.
and there's still every bit as much passion behind it.

god, love makes sex so much more fun...

I Am Not Your Girl

why is it men think they hold some kind of claim over you once you start talking to them?
men i've never even met in person, men i've only spoken to once...
and i supposedly owe them my time and attention?
i don't owe you anything.
i'm not obligated to see you, talk to you, fuck you.
show me some compassion and understanding.
or at least show me some fucking money.
but please remember this-
you don't own me.
you don't control me.
I AM NOT YOUR GIRL.

The First Love And Best Love Is Self-Love

Girls aren't supposed to talk about masturbation. It's not lady-like. Pleasuring yourself isn't pretty and dainty and quiet. It's carnal. It's a primal act of hedonism, hot and wild and sometimes loud. It's not about procreation or expressing your love to your husband. It's all you. It's about physical pleasure, and having the power to bring yourself to that divine climax, without wanting or needing anyone's help. No, it's not polite dinner-table conversation. Yes, this book would probably be published faster if I hadn't brought it up. But fortunately, I don't care.
I learned to masturbate when I was three. What most people won't tell you is that a huge number of girls start in the preschool/kindergarten years. You're young, you start exploring your body, and you realize- they, this feels fucking awesome! (Although, you're in kindergarten, so you might not use the word "fucking." But if you could, I'm sure you would.)
Another little secret- we learn it from each other. You realize it feels good, and you tell all your little friends, and they pass it on... I personally told my younger sister how to do it. She was probably too young to remember it, but I guess it was kind of a bonding experience.
And lastly- most girls will not tell you what they wank about. Nine times out of ten, they lie. If you ask and they tell you they think about their boyfriend or celebrity crush, odds are, they really think about their chem teacher bending them over his desk, or dominating their older brother's friends.
Here are some real fantasies, fashioned of my own brain, for your enjoying pleasure-

1) a rape fantasy. I want to be hurt and controlled and taken advantage of. I want to be called a bitch an a whore while somebody fucks me from behind.
2) the boyfriend's best friend. I want to blow him while he's playing guitar, right in front of all our friends.
3) double-teamed. I want to be fucked by two guys at the same time, one in my pussy, one in my ass.
4) lesbian action. I would LOVE to fuck a girl from behind with a strap-on. (Yes, I would let you take pictures.)
5) homemade porn. Please tell me this is self-explanatory...
6) there will be blood. I'm a masochist. I want a guy to cut me, then fuck me, both of us drenched in my blood. (Send me hate-mail. I dare you.)
7) orgies. Another one that should be self-explanatory. I want to go wild and fuck everybody in the room in seven ways, sometimes... And I always hope they'll return the favor.
8) the pet. I want to be collared. If you don't know what that is, wiki "collar (BDSM)" Read and learn.
9) exhibition. I wanna make love- notice I didn't say fuck- in a rooftop garden in Manhattan. It makes me smile to think about.
10) hot asian girls. you now know my weakness.

So now you know what's running through my head when I slip my hand down my pants. What about you? No, seriously. Write to me. Tell me all the dirty little secrets. I accept anonymous. I'm curious. If you couldn't tell, this is one of my favorite topics of discussion...
But now that you have that image in your head- a kinky punk nympho touching herself to the thought of being abused- I'll tell you the truth.

I Was A Teenage Fuck-Doll. PART 2

i am the girl you led on for three months, fucked like crazy, only for me to find out you'd been engaged the whole time.
i am the girl you bussed out 5 hours to have a threesome with you and your wife.
i am the girl you watched sleep with your girlfriend, and now that you two aren't together, you want me.
i am the girl you call when you want to film a porn.
i am the girl who let you lick whipped cream off my clit.
i am the girl whose phone bill you offered to pay in return for a "date".
i am the girl who agreed to meet you at the corner store for a ride in your BMW.
i am the girl who faked a russian accent for you.
i am the girl who will go down on you for a bottle of jameson.
i am the girl who's fucked every single person at the table.
i am the girl you can collar, tie up, smack around...
i am the girl who loves it when you pull my hair.
i am the girl who will never admit she wants a romance, not just a fuck.

what i am

"just met a porn-star/ she is an actress/ because in real life/ she won't admit this/ she doesn't want anyone to know/ so she pretends she's someone else/ but i found her out anyway/ after she told me that she had a boyfriend/" -AM Radio

i am what i am.

Lover For Rent

some people call them sugardaddies.
why candy-coat it?
they're johns, just like anybody else.
we flirt and play and fuck with them,
not because we're into their personalities
or because we find them attractive.
we do it so they'll pamper and spoil us.
don't get me wrong-
it's not always like that.
i've been involved with older men
that i absolutely adored
and expected nothing out of.
but now...
"sugarbabies" they call us.
huh.
we're nothing but whores.

you know you have a best friend when...

... they buy you a vibrator in your favorite color for no real occasion.
best gift ever. :-)

I Was A Teenage Fuck-Doll.

i am the girl who blew you after your theater 280 class once.
i am the girl you hooked up with when you should've been running lines.
i am the girl who let you see her boobs, just cuz you'd never seen any before.
i am the girl who didn't wear underwear under her uniform to pass sophomore history.
i am the girl you watched wanking on a webcam feed.
i am the girl you teased with a violet wand for 2 hours straight.
i am the girl you felt up in the back room at work.
i am the girl who got caught by the cops.
i am the girl you begged to masturbate for you in study hall.
i am the girl your mom walked in on you with.
i am the girl who snuck you into her house at night.
i am the girl you fucked twice in your parents bed, only taking a break in the middle to smoke and do another shot.
i am the girl who sucked your dick on the railroad tracks on a sunday afternoon.
i am the girl you knocked up 3 times.
i am the girl who always loses 'never have i ever.'
i am the fuck-doll.
that's all i am to you.

song lyrics that rock

"Sucking on my titties like you wanted me/ Calling me, all the time like Blondie / Check out my chrissy behind/ It's fine all of the time / Like sex on the beaches/ What else is in the teaches of peaches? Huh? What?// Sucking' on my titties like you wanted me/ Calling me, all the time like Blondie / Check out my chrissy behind/ It's fine all of the time/ What else is in the teaches of peaches?/ Like sex on the beaches, Huh? What?// Huh? Right. What? Uhh/ Huh? What? Right. Uhh// Huh? What? Right. Uhh/ Huh? What? Right. Uhh// SIS IUD, stay in school ‘cause it's the best/ IUD SIS, stay in school ‘cause it's the best/ IUD SIS, stay in school ‘cause it's the best/ IUD SIS, stay in school ‘cause it's the best// Sucking' on my titties like you wanted me/ Calling me, all the time like Blondie/ Check out my chrissy behind/ It's fine all of the time/ Like sex on the beaches/ What else is in the teaches of peaches? Huh? What?// Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away/ Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away/ Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away// Huh? What? Right. Uhh/ Huh? What? Right. Uhh/ What else in the teaches of peaches?/ Like sex on the beaches/ Huh? What? Right. Uhh// Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away/ Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away/ Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away/ Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away//" -PEACHES 'Fuck The Pain Away'

"Put me on the table/ Make me say your name/ If I can't remember/ Then give me all your pain/ I can sit and listen/ Or I can make you scream/ Kiss it and make it better/ Just put your trust in me// Oh my God, go a little slower/ Oh my God, what was that again/ La da da, let me feel you baby/ Let me in, 'cause I understand/ Let me feel you baby/ 'Cause I understand//I understand all/ Now climb my sugar walls/ Problem solved it's dissolved/ with the solvent known as spit/ Lickity lick not so quick it's a/ Slick ride make my mink slide/ 'Cause were all pink inside// This can be really easy/ It doesn't have to be hard/ Here baby let me show you/ I'll have ya, climbing up the walls/ You got all the problems/ I think that I can solve/ Why don't you come in here baby/ Why don't we sit and talk// You like the top and the bottom/ You make a drop and then caught 'em/ And when you rock then you've got 'em/ Oh my God 'em oh my God 'em/" -P!nk featuring Peaches 'Oh My God'

"Got a big plan, his mind's set, maybe it's right/ At the right place and right time, maybe tonight/ In a whisper or handshake sending a sign/ Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait never mind// Late night, in passing, mention it flip to her/ Best friend, it's no thing, maybe it slipped/ but the slip turns to terror and a crush to like/ when she walked in he froze up, leave it to fright// It's cute in a way, till you cannot speak/ And you leave to have a cigarette, knees get weak/ escape was just a nod and a casual wave/ Obsess about it, heavy for the next two days// It's only just a crush, it'll go away/ It's just like all the others it'll go away/ Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know/ You pray it all away but it continues to grow// I want to hold you close/ Skin pressed against me tight/ Lie still, and close your eyes girl/ So lovely, it feels so right// I want to hold you close/ Soft breath, beating heart/ As I whisper in your ear/ I want to fucking tear you apart// Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it'd pass/ And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance/ Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there/ Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare// They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do/ Cause theres always repercussions when you're dating in school/ But their lips met, and reservations started to pass/ Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last// Either way he wanted her and this was bad/ Wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy/ Now a little crush turned into a like/ And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her// I want to hold you close/ Skin pressed against me tight/ Lie still, and close your eyes girl/ So lovely, it feels so right// I want to hold you close/ Soft breath, beating heart/ As I whisper in your ear/ I wanna fucking tear you apart//" -She Wants Revenge 'Tear You Apart'

Fucked In Both Ways.

who would've guessed that even after 2 years of having sex on a very regular basis, that when someone shoves a 12-by-2 dick in you for the first time, it still feels like losing your virginity all over again...
needless to say, my day was a success. i got my man back. i got fucked hard. i was held and kissed and treated with some actual respect. yay me!
but then, just before he left, wha-bam! he starts talking about the ex and i just have to ask- do you still love her? 'not really.' he says. 'not like i used to.' i asked if he'd fucked her since we got together. 'severely tempted, but no, i never did.' wow. that's reassuring. and then, the icing on the cake- 'she said that if circumstances had been different, she could really have liked you.' WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! well, maybe if she wasn't such a cold-hearted backstabbing bitch-ass cunt, who treats you like shit and acts like she's some fuckin' princess, i could like her too. jesus fuckin' christ...
i must ask- what would compel a man to say something like that?! what makes you think it's a good idea?! somehow, the fact that your bitchy ex (who you still live with, btw) hates my guts, but maybe possibly in another lifetime could have liked me, DOES NOT make me feel all warm and fuzzy. AAAAAAGH!
why why why why why? i don't understand...
sigh...
but the point is- when your man is hung like a damn pringles can, don't run the other way. take it slow, use lots of lube, and try to avoid discussing the live-in ex-fiancee.

Release

i need a boy, and i need one now. i'm frustrated and tense and just generally screwed up at the moment, and i want to fuck and make it all seem less... shitty. i want someone to push me around. i want to struggle and fight. i want to hurt. maybe then the rest of this bullshit wouldn't mess me up so bad... sex can be such a wonderful escape, and an orgasm can be the perfect release.

...although a fifth of jameson might help too.

Define "Fetish"

this is a list stolen from a dear friend of mine, defining many of the infinite fetishes we've come to know and love.


Acrotomophilia, The person is sexually aroused by the sight of an amputation usually of a whole arm or leg.

Adolescentilism, The person is aroused by impersonating both the dress and behavior of an adolescent.

Andromimetophilia, A woman who is sexually aroused by impersonating a man. They purposefully look like and act like a man.

Apotemnophilia, This person is sexually aroused by having a part of their body amputated either by themselves or someone else. The memory of the amputation can serve to arouse them for years. It is the act of having an extremity amputated that is arousing; thus, they have to be awake during the process.

Asphyxiophilia, This is sexual arousal caused by loss of control over your ability to breathe. Self strangulation or allowing another person to asphyxiate you.

Autagonistophilia, Unlike exhibitionism where the person intentionally exposes their genitals to an unsuspecting stranger, in this paraphilia the person creates situations in which other people could see them in the nude if the person wanted to. For example, it would be like leaving your curtains open and walking around the house naked in hopes that someone would peep in the windows. It is the thought that someone may be watching that is sexually arousing.

Autassassinophilia, The person is sexually aroused by putting themselves in situations in which they may be killed. They really have to feel they are in danger in order to be sexually aroused. Unfortunately, many of them get killed in the process.

Autonepiophilia, This is the same thing as infantilism.

Biastophilia, In this paraphilia the person is sexually aroused by the idea of being raped. This is scripted and planned out ahead of time with a partner. The person does not actually want to be raped by a strange.

Catheterophila, The person is sexually aroused by the insertion of a catheter.
Chrematistophilia This person can only become sexually aroused if they are being blackmailed into it.

Coprophilia, Smearing human feces on yourself or having someone smear it on you causing sexual arousal.

Coprophagia, Eating and ingesting human feces.

Ephebophilia, This is a form of pedophilia, but the person is very specific in the size, shape, and amount of body hair the pre-pubescent child has.

Erotophonophilia, These people are dangerous. They are sexually aroused by attempts not just thoughts of killing someone.

Formicophilia, Sexual arousal is caused by having insects crawl on their genitals.

Gerontophilia, The person is only sexually aroused by a significantly older person. There has to be at least a 15 year difference between their ages.

Gynemimetophilia, A person who is sexually aroused by a female impersonator.

Hybristophilia, Sexual relations with a convicted criminal.

Hyphephilia, Touching or rubbing a human or non human object is essential for achieving sexual arousal.

Hypoxphilia, The same as asphyxiophilia.

Infantilism, Dressing as an infant and acting the role of a child under two years old is sexually arousing. This can including some or all body hair and the hiring of a nurse or nanny to take care of you.

Kleptophilia, Similar to kleptomania, kleptophilia results in sexual arousal from stealing not just thrill seeking.

Klismaphilia, Getting an enema is sexually arousing. More liquid is associated with greater pleasure.

Mixophilia, The person likes to watch their partner or themselves engage in sexual activity. Usually this means watching themselves in a mirror.

Morphophilia, Peculiar body shapes and sizes are sexually arousing such as heavy, short, dwarfism, etc.

Mysophilia, The person is sexually aroused by dirt, mud, or filth.

Narratophilia, Telling dirty stories is sexually arousing.

Necrophilia, Engaging in sexual activities with dead people.

Nepiophilia, The person is sexually aroused by infants. This can range from newborns to about two years old.

Olfactophilia, The person is sexually aroused by body smells. Usually inserting finger anus, vagina, etc. and smelling it during sex.

Pictohilia, Watching X-rated films is sexually arousing.

Raptophilia, Same as biastophilia.

Scoptophilia, Same as mixophilia.

Somnophilia, The person can only maintain sexual arousal while having sex with someone who is sleeping. If the person wakes up they loose interest.

Stigmatophilia, Body piercing and tattooing but not ear piercing is sexually arousing.

Symphorphilia, Natural disasters are sexually arousing.

Telephonicophilia, Talking dirty on the phone or being talked to lewdly.

Urophilia, Being urinated on or urinating on someone. Golden showers

Zoophilia, The person wants to be treated like an animal wearing a collar and even eating out of an animals dish. This is different from bestiality in which the person wants to have sex with an animal.

All Tied Up- images by eclectic vision

24 Hours

2 men in 24 hours.
and somehow,
i don't feel at all wrong about this.

a good friend of mine invited me over last night.
there was whiskey involved.
i'd had every intention of fucking him since my man and i split,
maybe before.
it finally happened.
he fucked me hard
twice
in his parents' huge soft bed.
did i mention he's a rockstar?
a pierced, tattooed goth god
and he said i was one of the best he'd ever had.

my ex came over this evening.
we were just talking in my room.
i bit his arm as a joke.
he bit my neck.
he dom'd me hardcore,
throwing me back on my bed,
saying he didn't need my fucking help
when i tried to aid in undressing myself.
he pulled me by the hair when he wanted me to do something.
i loved every minute of it.
i think it might have been the best sex he and i ever had.

i know some people are gonna think i'm a slut.
what the fuck do i care?
i'm young, i'm single, and i'm gonna enjoy it.
isn't that why we're here?

The List

when my boyfriend of two years and i broke up for the final time, a few friends helped me write a list. this list consisted of all the people i need to fuck in the course of my singleness. 8 women. 8 men. so far, 2 women down, 2 men down. so far, i think i'm doing alright.