Monday, July 21, 2008

The First Love And Best Love Is Self-Love

Girls aren't supposed to talk about masturbation. It's not lady-like. Pleasuring yourself isn't pretty and dainty and quiet. It's carnal. It's a primal act of hedonism, hot and wild and sometimes loud. It's not about procreation or expressing your love to your husband. It's all you. It's about physical pleasure, and having the power to bring yourself to that divine climax, without wanting or needing anyone's help. No, it's not polite dinner-table conversation. Yes, this book would probably be published faster if I hadn't brought it up. But fortunately, I don't care.
I learned to masturbate when I was three. What most people won't tell you is that a huge number of girls start in the preschool/kindergarten years. You're young, you start exploring your body, and you realize- they, this feels fucking awesome! (Although, you're in kindergarten, so you might not use the word "fucking." But if you could, I'm sure you would.)
Another little secret- we learn it from each other. You realize it feels good, and you tell all your little friends, and they pass it on... I personally told my younger sister how to do it. She was probably too young to remember it, but I guess it was kind of a bonding experience.
And lastly- most girls will not tell you what they wank about. Nine times out of ten, they lie. If you ask and they tell you they think about their boyfriend or celebrity crush, odds are, they really think about their chem teacher bending them over his desk, or dominating their older brother's friends.
Here are some real fantasies, fashioned of my own brain, for your enjoying pleasure-

1) a rape fantasy. I want to be hurt and controlled and taken advantage of. I want to be called a bitch an a whore while somebody fucks me from behind.
2) the boyfriend's best friend. I want to blow him while he's playing guitar, right in front of all our friends.
3) double-teamed. I want to be fucked by two guys at the same time, one in my pussy, one in my ass.
4) lesbian action. I would LOVE to fuck a girl from behind with a strap-on. (Yes, I would let you take pictures.)
5) homemade porn. Please tell me this is self-explanatory...
6) there will be blood. I'm a masochist. I want a guy to cut me, then fuck me, both of us drenched in my blood. (Send me hate-mail. I dare you.)
7) orgies. Another one that should be self-explanatory. I want to go wild and fuck everybody in the room in seven ways, sometimes... And I always hope they'll return the favor.
8) the pet. I want to be collared. If you don't know what that is, wiki "collar (BDSM)" Read and learn.
9) exhibition. I wanna make love- notice I didn't say fuck- in a rooftop garden in Manhattan. It makes me smile to think about.
10) hot asian girls. you now know my weakness.

So now you know what's running through my head when I slip my hand down my pants. What about you? No, seriously. Write to me. Tell me all the dirty little secrets. I accept anonymous. I'm curious. If you couldn't tell, this is one of my favorite topics of discussion...
But now that you have that image in your head- a kinky punk nympho touching herself to the thought of being abused- I'll tell you the truth.

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